KEEPING YOUR LOVE ALIVE IN MARRIAGE

As you know February is the month of love with Valentine’s Day on the 14th of February and we are also celebrating marriages during Marriage Week which is also in February. Marriage Week UK celebrates the diversity and vibrancy of marriage as the basis for family life in the UK. It is timed to include Valentine’s Day and has been held every year since 1997. It is an opportunity to celebrate the goodness and joy of married life, remembering to give thanks and asking for God’s help for all those experiencing difficulties in marriage.

As I think about my marriage journey, I am so grateful to God for the last 17 years, the premarital classes that prepared us and all the wonderful couples that showed us through their godly examples that good marriages exist and is God’s heart for every married couple. At the heart of every good marriage is a decision to become one, moving from a “me” mentality to an “us” mentality, making daily choices that are bringing “us” together rather than draw “us” away from each other.

There is no better time like now to remember that Love is an action word, meaning that expressing our love both in our words and deed is important. In marriage it is so easy to take each other for granted as we do life together, juggling the demands of life, work, parenting, other commitments etc. Valentine’s day is a good opportunity to remind married couples of some disciplines that will help keep love alive, so here they are:
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Say I love you, everyday!
Don’t leave your affection to speculation – Tell your spouse how you feel about them constantly. The world beyond the walls of your home can be a less than loving place so keep the scent of your love ever fresh, words are very powerful use them to build your Marriage. Proverbs 16:24 states that ‘Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones’.

Just Say I’m sorry!
Don’t wait for your spouse to ease the stalemate when there is an argument, or a party is hurt. Say I’m sorry even when you’ve been wronged. If you both adhere to this, you’ll probably be jostling to be the first to apologise. Realise that Marriage is a gift from God. Don’t let the enemy rob you of this gift. It is wisdom and humility to forgo an offence for the sake of your Marriage. Make a choice to live in harmony. Hey, glitches are a part of all relationships anyway; so why won’t they occur in one as close as a Marriage? Proverbs 19:11 states ‘A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense’.

Choose to walk away from an angry or critical remark!
In every relationship opportunities for conflict arise constantly. What makes the difference is our choice to either overlook them or resolve them in an appropriate, Christ like manner. It may sound like make believe, yet it’s possible for a couple to live with each other in a loving relationship where they rub each other up the wrong way at times yet are able to resolve the conflicts that arise, without these conflicts escalating from complaints to contempt for each other. It’s a sign of spiritual awareness and hearts that are constantly submitted to God. Now I know it does not happen in a day! But we can all seek to get there. James 1:19 states ‘Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry’.

Be magnanimous towards your spouse everyday!
Let your spouse know they are number one in your life everyday! Hmm.. hmm.. next to the Lord of course!!! Be unreservedly, their greatest fan. Find out what is most important to your spouse and spare no expense in money (within reason of course) and effort to ensure your spouse has it. If it is your affirmation; shower it on your spouse. If it is your support don’t deny your spouse. If it is your text and emails schedule them into your day. Get creative, find 365 ways of showing your love throughout this year, basically, celebrate your spouse, let them know you truly appreciate and value them. Don’t just lend a hand, give your heart! Love is self-sacrificing. John 15:13 states ‘Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends’.

Take a vacation from the Telly! Not every day though!
But on a serious note, the television is certainly a poor substitute for real life. We spend a huge chunk of the best parts of our day with others at work and elsewhere. It’s heart rending when the telly habit takes away the time of the day that is left for your spouse and children. Choose to have regular times that are set aside exclusively for your Marriage and make the extra effort to engage with each other on a deeper level. Of course, it goes without saying that if it is a backrub she wants on the afternoon of the FA Cup final, there is no better time to show her how much you really care! Although I must add that they may not be best time wives to ask for a back rub. Ephesians 5: 15-16 states ‘Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people), Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil’.

Do something you both enjoy regularly!
We spend our courtship days seeking what will make each other happy. We spend our time doing what the other will appreciate as we seek to make deposits into the others “affection bank”, both loving and seeking opportunities to discover the joy of new experiences together while finding out what makes each other tick. Yet when we get married, we let the routines and familiarity of daily life take charge and resign ourselves to seeking other pleasures. There is no pleasure quite as enjoyable as doing stuff together as a couple, It can be tough initially, and when this happens we only need to cast our minds back to how we both enjoyed doing things together in courtship to realise that what’s missing now is that our mental attitudes have changed; now we want to have our own way, do our own things , isn’t that interesting? knowing that God desires us to love sacrificially rather than conditionally can be of much help at these times!. Philippians 2: 1-3 states ‘Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Forgive…Forgive ….Forgive every day!
No point expecting that your spouse won’t hurt you or thinking you have the capacity to avoid hurting your spouse, just choose to forgive. We know from scripture that to maintain our own spiritual health, it is crucial that we understand and embrace the power of forgiveness. The Seventy times seven principle was not a burden placed on us by God, it’s a gift from God which we give to ourselves when we obey the command to forgive. Forgiveness as a lifestyle is also crucial for a healthy Marriage; it ensures that the drains of everyday interaction remain clear and unblocked so the pipes continue to give passage to a smooth flowing relationship every day. Proverbs 17:9 states ‘Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends’ and Colossians 3:13 states ‘Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others’.

Enjoy each other!!!!
Sex is a gift from God to you both, enjoy each other’s body. Create time to be with each other and enjoy your gift from God don’t allow the busyness of everyday living to rob you of your love life. Make time for it and make it interesting. Enjoy….Enjoy….Enjoy………….

Finally, pray with your spouse AND for your spouse every day! Yes, everyday!
Make praying with your spouse your number one priority. Pray often and together. Be your spouse’s greatest intercessor and their number one watchman! If you are going to stop putting a thousand out of the ten thousand adversaries you encounter everyday to flight, you’re going to have to start fighting together rather that apart.

Now that we have some practical tools for keeping our love alive, let’s go for it, have fun. As we are in the month of love my next article will be on finding the love of your life.