SISTERS NOT FRENEMIES

In the last few weeks, I have had a few situations that have caused me to reflect on my female friendships.

In my reflections about my female friendships, two things have emerged for me, the first is that the presence of these friendships has made a huge positive impact on my life. I consider these friendships to be what I call “sister friends”, friends that have become like my natural family due to the memories and experiences shared.

The second is that some of my female friendships have been rather sad (frenemies). In case you are wondering what this means, I will expand on it in as we go along, so please stay with me.

I am totally convinced that without the gift of “sister friends”, my life will not be as rich and loving as it is currently. I believe that the gift of “sister friends” has made life bearable in unbearable moments, the song “We all need someone to lean on” comes to mind. I can attest to the fact that my sister-friends have supported me in dark times and celebrated with me in joyful times too.

The Bad Experience/Story

A not so nice experience in my university days, could have denied me of my “sister friends” if I had not met a good mentor who encouraged me to reach out and believe that I can have “sister friends” regardless of this experience and God healing me of the pain of the disappointment and betrayal.

I am sure you are itching to hear the story, I had this childhood sweetheart that I honestly believed we were destined to be together (anyone remember your puppy love days), we were involved in a long distance relationship (please don’t say how could that have ever worked, no wonder, hear me out please and whilst we are at it, I think I will do a piece on long-distance relationships in the future). Long story short, after several years of courtship and long distance relationship I found out he had been cheating with my closest friend at the time. My friend and I lived in England and he lived in sunny Africa, every holiday my friend would head out to sunny Africa and I would only visit during the Christmas holidays.

It transpires that whilst experiencing some challenges in her relationships with her boyfriend my boyfriend at the time had become a confidant and more. You can imagine my shock, horror, disbelief, anger and disappointment when I found out from him and not her. His reason for telling me was because he wanted to marry me and did not want to keep anything from me so that we could have an honest marriage.

Whilst I found it easier to forgive him, I think I was more angry with my friend cause somehow I had the notion or buried deep in my subconscious at the time was that men will be men (I must say I don’t agree with this but about men will be men anymore) and as I considered her a “sister friend”, how could she do this to me?. Just so you know, all the parties concerned found peace in this situation and are not at war.

I did not marry him, neither did she and I am grateful to God that I know him now and I am married to God’s best for me, phew thank God. However, that experience left me with a strong aversion to female friendships and caused me to struggle for many years to build relationships with women until my mentor challenged me.

Let’s Be Sister Friends

I want to encourage you, to not allow a bad friendship experience deprive you of “beautiful sisters friends”. Sister friends are such an important part of my life, they are pillars of strength for me, we cry together, laugh together, support each other through thick and thin and love each other despite our frailties. Every woman needs “sister friends”.

I remember reading about the alleged or imagined rivalry between Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks and in more recent times on X factors alleged rivalry between Dani Minogue, Cheryl Cole and Sharon Osbourne, with the press alleging rivalries due to age, looks etc, basically staring things that may not exist to bring disharmony, jealousy, rivalry and competition between beautiful women who are successful in their own right and unique way, yet having their insecurities played on by the press, pitted against each other for their own gains, basically salacious talk and media sales.

Whilst the examples above might be in the media, we do not have to look far whether in our own world or others around us to see and hear stories of women competing against each other rather than completing and supporting each other, it is so sad.

Let’s Deal With Our Insecurities

It is no surprise to know that we all experience insecurities and the more we allow our father to show us and speak His love over us, the more we are made whole and overcome these insecurities that, lead to jealousy, envy, competition and other things amongst women.

Be Your Sister Friend’s Cheerleader Not Competition

Some tips on helping be a cheerleader for your sister and not a frenemy:

Do not compare your gifts and abilities. Accept yourself and appreciate your gifts.

Celebrate what you have, your age, shape, and style and appreciate and celebrate the same with your sisters’ friends.

Be honest about your insecurities with yourself and God and allow him to heal you so that you don’t act out of your insecurities.

If you are where I was when my mentor challenged me, Pray to God for good friendships
Become a sister friend

Believe the best of people

Don’t let your past hold you back from enjoying the richness and beauty of “sister friends”

If you were the “sister frenemy” like my friend in this story,

Ask for God’s forgiveness

Where possible seek reconciliation

Make a decision to become a “sister friend”